FOMO - When Your Lover is Loving.
- Fox Eros
- Mar 1, 2023
- 2 min read
Ruminating is the act of dwelling and over thinking while your Beloved(s) is out with their Lover(s)… and for some can feel upsetting as the fear of missing out creeps in and your imagination takes over. Feelings of loneliness, being left out, and FOMO can take us over.
Here are some ways to soften those feelings and most importantly, care for your Self with compassion…
When you know your Lover(s) has a date try:
• Make a plan beforehand of what you’ll do with your precious time. • Instead of chores, errands or obligations, can you make this time pleasurable? • Do you have a favorite hobby? • Can you enjoy solo pleasure with toys?
• How about take out from your favorite restaurant and your favorite movie that your Lover does’t appreciate. :) • What if you took your Self on a date?! (My favorite places are nature, a cookie and the observatory :). • Do you have a community or friend you can spend time with?
Preplanning can help you to determine what your needs will be, what feelings may arise — and how you will meet them.
You can also consider inviting your Lover(s) to help make a ritual before and after their dates. For example, can they set up a treasure hunt with tiny little notes or gifts in your home for you to find? Or leave something thoughtful for you under your pillow? Or perhaps when they return from a date, there is a ritual where you are hugged and covered with kisses and told how much you are adored. Or do you prefer alone time? That’s okay too. Some people need time to warm back up to their Lover(s).
Communicate your needs and feelings and invite your Lover into your world so they can help you. Polyamory is a journey of love, compassion and communication. The love can expand you and complex feelings can also come up so learn to care for your Self. Fox M., Therapist (AMFT)